Fury as The Lazy Lion to become a Night Club

Locals are outraged at the news that The Lazy Lion is to become a Night Club.

Since unexpectedly closing its doors on the 23rd September 2024, The Lazy Lion pub has sat empty with forlorn beer pumps and the once popular restaurant sadly inoperative.

Speculation has been rife as to what was to become of this popular village pub situated in an historic Grade II Listed former eighteenth century coaching inn.

Many expected the pub to reopen as a bar and restaurant, but it appears that will not happen now.

Submitted artist's impression

The New Flim-Flam Night Club is part of The Imagine Entertainment Group and they have numerous venues across the UK.

Bobby Dazzle, general manager of the new night club said: "Our aim is to make the night club accessible to all and to become part of the local community. We are looking to cover a variety of genres of music during the week, and at weekends the club will focus on a mix of rave and grime music until we close at 2am. I have a lot of respect for local residents, so we will stop playing music from 1am during the week."

To fully utilise the building, during the day there will be dance classes for those who want to learn classic rave moves. The classes will be open to all ages and will be taken by Tommy Twinkle. Tommy also choreographed all the rave dance sequences on BBC's Strictly Come Dancing.

It is also understood that there is existing planning permission for an elevated decking area connected to the rear of the property extending to approximately 646 sq. ft. Flim-Flam has plans to make this into a jacuzzi complex for ravers when the night club is open. During the day, the facility will be available to local naturist groups.

Layout Plan for the Future Interior

Recently, a village protest group has been formed to lobby the New Forest District Council to reject the premises license application from Flim-Flam.

The group, Neighbours Against Flim-Flam (NAFF) is led by Ivor Issue who lives close to the back of the new venue.

Ivor commented, "This is not a welcome addition to the village and the pub will be sorely missed. The dance classes with Tommy Tinkle are all well and good and claim to be inclusive, but there is no mention of including those who love to rave but are now using walking frames."

Fellow local resident, Bill Peeper said, "It is going to be bad enough having banging music until into the early hours of the morning, but my real issue is that I will have to hang out of my window to see the naturists in the jacuzzi area during the day."

If you would like to join NAFF and have your views heard, please contact Ivor at ivor@ubeenhad.org.

PS: If you are interested in the original history of The Red Lion, please hit the button below:

The Lazy Lion

32 High Street, Milford on Sea, SO41 0QD

Our Village Crest Explained... (Sort of!)

Do you know what the images represent on the Milford on Sea Village Crest?

Well, the article below was published in July 2014 and we thought you might like to see it again:

No doubt someone knowledgeable from the Milford on Sea Historical Society can enlighten us, and perhaps even throw light on the crest's origin.

When faced with a question like this is, my approach is to make up the most inappropriate answer, and then wait for a grown up to provide the real facts.

So, here goes:

The Milford on Sea Crest contains two men standing on a set of scales representing how people in the village are quite good at balancing. 

The first man holds a scythe representing a rice worker from the paddy fields around Sturt Pont, the second man is a tall boy scout, his wellington boots and fishing net in hand illustrate how they used to wade into the sea to catch octopus with a stick and bag. Both men following the village tradition of wearing trousers a size too large, hence the need for both a belt and braces.

In the most recent coloured version of the village crest, the man on the right has lost the bag in his hand. I can only assume that he dropped the bag on the way to his octopus hunting.

The crest itself is headed by a Keyhaven longboat, reminding us of our shipbuilding heritage, and of the time when our forefathers set sail to conqueror the Isle of Wight. 

The Crown provides a memory of a former name of the village pub, now known as The Smugglers Inn, and finally the red rose of Lancashire represents all of those who have settled in the village from the North of England.

Interestingly, the text on both crests clearly say 'Milford-on-Sea'. The debate on the village name was enthusiastically and pointlessly researched as to whether the use of hyphens is correct some time ago and recently. The research came up with an inconclusive answer, much in the tradition of this news site.

If you can be bothered to read the ridiculous 'Hyphen research', please click here.

Over the years, the village crest
has appeared on some strange souvenir items.

It is possible, indeed almost certain, that all of these observations are nonsense, so if you can throw any light on any inaccuracies, please get in touch.

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Following publishing the article above, regarding the Milford on Sea Village Crest, we had an interesting reply from Bob Braid of the Milford on Sea Historical Record Society back in 2014:

Bob, who is blighted with a similar sense of humour to my own, speculated with a wry smile; "The bloke on the left actually has a pickaxe & represents the men who dug the network of smugglers tunnels around the village. The ship is a poor representation of a Viking long ship and refers to the great battle between the Saxons and Danes when the stream ran red with blood and from which Danestream gets its name. The crown refers to Charles 1 imprisonment at Hurst Castle on passage to his trial and execution in London. The flower is not a rose, but the elusive Milford Pimpernel, also known as Paddy's Pride, which used to grow on the cliffs, hence Paddy's Gap." Mixing a few facts with some myths is a great way to create history!

Fortunately, he also has a more factual story. Bob explained that the Milford on Sea Village Crest first appeared on souvenir china in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. During those times, souvenir china was all the rage and it is extremely collectable today.

Bob said; "The first pieces were sold in Mrs Christie's shop and then soon taken up by other village shops. (Christie's was firstly located opposite where Verveine now is, and later where New Seasons Florists are and next to the old Post Office.)

click image to see more village souvenirs

Bob continued; "As far as we know, and we are willing to be convinced otherwise, you could select your design from elements in a pattern book and we think the crest was selected by Telford Stone, the printer and stationer in the village."

Interestingly, the Truro coat of arms has a remarkable resemblance to our own, which makes this explanation all the more likely.

Update from Bob Braid: "I now have considerable doubt that the design originated with Telford Stone. He married Mrs Christie's daughter in 1918 when he was 28 & she 21. Mrs Christie & her daughter came to Milford somewhere between the 1901 & 1911 censuses (or censi to be pedantic). Mrs Christie's husband died in January 1906 in Milford on Sea.

If the china was first available in her shop, it's probably more likely it was she that chose the original design; it depends on the date of the earliest available pieces (and if it was sold anywhere else before her shop) and I'm no expert. As always, more questions than answers!"

So there you go... the Milford on Sea Crest is as much a mystery as when we first started this article!

April Fool's Day through the years

Last week's April Fool article, 'Summer Season Spa Installed on the Village Green' had a massive response, with over 23,000 views on the Milford on Sea News website last week.

There were also several hundred likes on the Facebook posts, along with many happy comments from people that the spoof story tickled. I particularly enjoyed the person who went down to the village green to check if the Spa was there!

If you would like to revisit some of our old April Fool's Day articles, please just click on the titles below:

click image to enlarge

2024: Summer Season Spa Installed on the Village Green

2023: Fury as unwanted Hurst Spit Observation Wheel approved

2022: Dinosaur remains discovered at Hurst Spit

2021: Controversial Floating Pier approved at Milford on Sea

2016: Learn How to Make Cats Milk Cheese in Food Week

2015: Plans Submitted for Milford Pier

2014: Hurst Bridge Meeting Erupts

If you have too much time on your hands... there are even more ridiculous articles to be found by clicking here.

Summer Season Spa Installed on the Village Green

Around 6am this morning, early risers visiting the village centre will have spotted a large prefabricated building being hoisted from a transporter lorry and a team firmly installing it on the top of Milford on Sea village green.

Initially it was thought that this might be connected to the Psychic Fair due to take place this Saturday. 

However, when approached, the event organisers said it had nothing to do with them, and they didn't even see it coming.

It turns out, and apparently without local residents realising, planning permission had been approved by New Forest District Council in early February to install a temporary Spa & Relaxation Centre at the top of Milford on Sea Village Green. 

The planning permission runs until the end of the Summer season in June.

The spa opens at 10am today, and will be open to all offering a range of beauty therapy, facial treatments, dietary advice, Swedish massage, as well as having a jacuzzi, a plunge pool and mud bath.

Amazingly, the normal planning restrictions were avoided on the basis that this is only to be a temporary structure.

Bob D'Bilda, managing director of Dreams on Wheels, the operators of what will be known as 'The Pleasure Pod' said; "We are delighted to be able to enhance the village green and bring some sunshine to a drab place".

One of the professional beauty therapists, Gloria Blusher said that she is looking forward to some of the challenges she will face.

Some other members of the 'The Pleasure Pod' Spa Team looking forward to meeting you will be; dietician Emma Royds, jacuzzi manager Lottie Bubbles, and the masseuse team of Ivor Bentitt and Dr Dan Tickles.

Anyone concerned about the temporary spa and wishing to express their objections, anger, or apoplectic rage can contact Mr I. Gottu by emailing his secretary on: avu.got-ityet@nfdc.com.

--------------------------------

PS: Saturday's Psychic Fair has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. 

You would have thought that they would have seen that coming?!

Stoned nudists spotted on beach!

Everyone loves a sunbathe...

April Fool Tickles Village

Last week's April Fool article, 'Fury as unwanted Hurst Spit Observation Wheel approved' had a massive response, with over 7,000 visits to the MoS News website last week.

There were also numerous likes on Facebook, along with many happy comments from people the spoof story tickled.

If you would like to revisit some of our old 'April Fool's' please just click on the titles below:

2023: Fury as unwanted Hurst Spit Observation Wheel approved

2022: Dinosaur remains discovered at Hurst Spit

2021: Controversial Floating Pier approved at Milford on Sea

2017: Hurst Bridge Meeting Erupts

2016: Learn How to Make Cats Milk Cheese in Food Week

2015: Plans Submitted for Milford Pier

If you have too much time on your hands... there are even more ridiculous articles to be found by clicking here.

Fury as unwanted Hurst Spit Observation Wheel approved

After a drawn out four year consultation process, and despite vigorous local objections, the Hurst Spit Observation Wheel is due to start construction in early May.

The generally compliant residents of Milford on Sea are angry that this has been pushed through with their significant concerns being disregarded. Protests are planned, more of which we will explain later.

Planning approval for the locally unwanted observation wheel was given at a recent New Forest District Council meeting. This was in spite of numerous of local objections, which were primarily based on environmental issues, and the fact that the observation wheel will fundamentally change the character of Milford on Sea. However, the council considered that; 'The tourism and visitor experience opportunities were of greater benefit.'

As the developers public relation machine kicked into gear, it is being claimed that; "The Milford on Sea Observation Wheel will offer stunning, panoramic views of The Needles, Christchurch Bay, Milford on Sea beach and over the historic fortified walls into Hurst Castle."

At a height of 40m, it will be taller than the Bournemouth Big Wheel which stands at 30m high. For some obscure reason, the height was intentionally chosen to be taller than The Needles Lighthouse which stands at 33m.

The wheel designer, Ivor Spinner commented; "We are delighted to bring this magnificent observation wheel to Milford on Sea. It will stand as a monolith in the region and become a landmark to rival Nelson's column, the Angel of the North and the silly little observation wheel in Bournemouth." 

The gondolas will carry a maximum of 6 people, and children under 10 must be accompanied.

Although wheelchairs and mobility scooters cannot access the gondolas, there is an ingenious design feature which enables them to be strapped to the outside for what is described as; 'An exhilarating fresh air ride.'

The wheel's management company, Buildabigun Ltd, have said that local residents will be able to purchase discounted annual passes, and community organisations, groups and clubs will have free access at set times.

Getya Kitoff of Milford Naturists Club said; "Against local opinion, I am excited that we will be able to ride the wheel naked. I am just hoping it does not swing too much, as we do not want any unfortunate jiggling or collisions." Another club member, Hugh Jass added; "As much as I like stripping off, I won't be hanging out on that thing."

When approached, local tourism chief, Lika Goodayout commented; "A project like this always has its ups and downs, I am sure the protestors will come round in time."

All of these public relation spins are falling on deaf ears with the Milford on Sea Protest Group, who has aptly renamed the observation wheel; The Hurst Horribilis.

Amanda Lynn, from the Milford Musical Group said; "We have been invited to provide a band for the opening ceremony, but we have declined, as our prima recorder player has chapped lips, and our percussionist cannot use his drum pedal due to just having had a new hip fitted." 

Health and safety officer, Kay Oss has said that, when it is raining in Sweden, customers have to, by law, wear reflective jackets when riding an observation wheel. It is not yet clear how the local observation wheel customers will know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Local residents are now planning a sit-in protest and barricades on Hurst Spit on the day before the building contractors team are due to arrive. Special tracks are being laid to enable mobility scooters to get onto Hurst Spit, and old boats and walking sticks are being broken up to create a spectacular bonfire. 

Hugh Jass has said that he will protest by staying clothed until the building of the wheel is cancelled, or the weather gets too hot.

To draw further attention to the village's plight, their are plans to have 24 hour sessions of interpretive dance on Milford on Sea Village Green, everyone is welcome to join in. 

It is hoped that local xylophone player, Joe King will accompany the dance by playing continuous renditions from the three painfully tedious musical pieces he knows.

 ....................................

Editors Note:

If you have friends or family who love being taken for a ride, please feel free to share this news. On the other hand, if you consider this a travesty, please share this news with your friends in Milford on Sea and encourage them to protest, we must stand united!

If you have any comments you wish to make, please contact: 

ubin.hadd@gmailer.com

Naked New Year's Eve Rugby

Does anyone remember what happened on Milford on Sea Village Green on New Year's Eve 2013?

Nine year's ago we published the article below. As they say; 'Lads, will be lads' - Even in a place like Milford on Sea!

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Word has reached us that there was a rather strange way for a group of local revellers to celebrate the night of New Years Eve, when a game of naked rugby took place on Milford on Sea village green at around 3am into New Year's Day. 

It is understood that this is not a regular fixture, and it was difficult to know who was on which team due to the lack of any clothing. It is thought that around 8 players took part and they were all of an age that should know better!

It is unclear whether they started with any kits, or whether all of their clothes simply fell off simultaneously!

The wet and cold weather meant the match did not last the full game time, and that ample amounts of mud covered the modesty of some.

Thankfully, there were no obvious injuries, but no doubt there would have been suffering later in the day, not just from the exertion of the game, but also as a result of the extended night's celebrations.

Fortunately for us, there are no pictures that we know of. If anyone has any, whatever you do please don't send them in, just delete them from your camera!

Whilst there is a wide variety of clubs in Milford on Sea, we are unable to help anyone who may wish to get involved in any future games, as we do not believe there is a formal Naked Rugby Club to join in the village.

The full list of the night's players is unknown to us, but they know who they are!

PS: The New Milton Advertiser & Lymington Times heard about the story here, and yesterday it was published on the front cover of the 10th January edition of the newspaper for all to see. I bet there are some embarrassed lads around Milford on Sea right now!

click image to enlarge

click image to enlarge

Dinosaur remains discovered at Hurst Spit

An extraordinary discovery was made by walkers on the far end of Hurst Spit two weeks ago…, the group of friends were out for a hike by the sea when they found some bone remnants jutting out from the shingle. Amazingly, these bones have now been identified as being from the skeleton of a 900 million year old dinosaur.

The tide at Hurst Castle is known for occasionally dredging up strange items. To this day WW2 armoury shells that had been fired into The Solent from what was a WW2 testing site near The Needles on the the Isle Wight occasionally appear on the beach. - But, there has never been a find like this before.

Palaeontologists from the British Museum are currently excavating the find site close to Hurst Castle. 

Since the discovery, crowds are regularly gathering to witness more of the remains being uncovered during the excavation, and an influx of fossil enthusiasts are getting very excited every time a new bone is revealed. 

A Milford on Sea local café owner said they were very pleased to see an increase in trade, particularly refills of Thermos flasks for the intrepid fossil hunters. One has even started selling takeaway burgers creatively renamed as ‘Brontosaurus Baps’.

Leading the archaeological project is eminent palaeontologist, Dr Ivor Dugit said; “I have excavated numerous dinosaur remains from the Jurassic period, and this one is in excellent condition. We can even tell it was a particularly attractive one from the remnants of the eyelashes”.

The species of dinosaur discovered has now been identified as a 'Jokasaurus’, a little know member of the ‘Fakapod’ family. When roaming the earth the dinosaur would have had a long tail and neck along with an unusual structure of four legs all of different sizes.

The Parish Council are now in discussion with the British Museum to establish what will happen to the remains once they are fully excavated. There are proposals to encase the shortest leg from the dinosaur in a Perspex case on the village green as a constant reminder of the village’s Jurassic history.

Long-term Milford on Sea resident, Diddy Fallforrit commented; “I’m not sure what all the fuss is about, my bones are over ninety years old and apart from my osteopath and the nurse that gets me up each morning, no one is really interested in them.“

Controversial Floating Pier approved at Milford on Sea

A recent New Forest Council Meeting descended into chaos after a controversial floating pier was approved for Milford on Sea. Objections were raised at the meeting, but the NFDC Planning Committee overruled the objections and granted permission for construction of the pier this summer.

A key objection stated that the pier would ‘damage the unique character of Milford on Sea’. But it was counter-argued that the pier would ‘increase tourism to the village, provide a landing stage for boats and allow people an opportunity to get closer to sea-life’. 

click image to view video

The pier will be located opposite the Needles Eye Café with construction work due to commence on the 2nd June for completion within four weeks.  

The innovative pier design is multi-functional providing a walkway to a jetty on calm days, the jetty also provides seating and a landing stage for small boats who wish to visit Milford on Sea. On days when the sea has a swell it provides a fun ‘moving walkway’ for the more adventurous. The design is based on an existing floating pier at Maliah Beach Club which can be seen by clicking here.

Angry local resident, Arty Fischel was appalled and said; ‘Anything new in the village should be for everybody, and how do they expect people with walking frames to use this monstrosity?’.

Never slow to see an opportunity, local entrepreneur, Joe King has stated that he intends to make an application to provide scuba diving classes and banana boat rides from the jetty from early summer.

The designer of the Floating Pier, Mr Ubin Hadd commented; ‘Just imagine…, the sun shining, the warm sea breeze in your hair, and the waves lapping over your feet. You’re going to love it!”

Local residents are expected to lodge an appeal in the coming days. If you have a view that you would like to express, please contact: April Day, NFDC Planning Officer, Lyndhurst, Hampshire on aprilday@nfdcplanning.jo.ke

To see a video of the Floating Pier design in action; please click here. 

*Editor’s Note: If you plan to object, please share this story with your friends in Milford on Sea. We must stand united!

Funnies from the Past: No.32

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Fishy changes at Monks - click here to read.

A lunchtime surprise at Zaika - click here to read.

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Funnies from the Past: No.31

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Danestream or Danes Stream, who knows? - click here to read.

Danes ‘Stream' or 'River’? - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Funnies from the Past: No.30

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

French for a day - click here to read.

A Lymington taste of France - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Funnies from the Past: No.29

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

A Milford Bloke Trapped in Guildford - click here to read.

Clowning at the Carnival - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Funnies from the Past: No.28

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Mole Men Claim more territory - click here to read.

Mole Men invade Village Green - click here to read.

Mole Men head for Whitby Road - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Funnies from the Past: No.27

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Another Live Bomb on Hurst Spit - click here to read.

It's snowing again! - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Funnies from the Past: No.26

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Sea Plane visits Westover Island - click here to read.

Construction starts on Westover Island - click here to read.

Local’s stake a claim to ‘Westover Island’- click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Funnies from the Past: No.25

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Milford: A Dangerous Place to Live! - click here to read.

Don't park on wall - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Funnies from the Past: No.24

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

The Milford Beach Sign mystery - click here to read.

Have you seen any nude sunbathers recently? - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Funnies from the Past: No.23

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

The joy of Christmas presents - click here to read.

Doctors advice - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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