Mole Men invade Village Green

They’re back! The infamous ‘Milford on Sea Mole Men’ have again returned to the village. This time they are excavating on the Village Green, using the cover story that they are gas men installing a new governor. The official looking plastic fencing doesn’t fool me. For those unaware of the real activities of the ‘Mole Men’ please read our previously published stories below.

January 2010: Lymington Road Slalom

It appears the invisible Mole Men from 'Southern Gas Networks' have appeared in the village. Their hobby is to dig holes that cut roads in half, & then to disappear. Having passed through several times, I have yet to see any Mole Men working. Some may assume that they have left the site, I however have another theory, - they live down the hole. Indeed, there is a whole town of Mole Men right under our feet. I suspect they only come out at night only to replace the batteries in the temporary traffic lights, or to pop down to The Smugglers. The regular traffic queues remind me of my birthplace in London, but without the muggers. If anyone see’s the Mole Men working in Lymington Road, please send in a picture, as I won’t believe you otherwise!

February 2010: Mole Men claim more territory

No sooner do I reveal the truth about the Mole Men living in their hole in Lymington Road that they test my patience by now appearing with a new hole in Cliff Road! Their efforts to conceal their real activity by installing temporary traffic lights and a spurious Southern Gas Networks sign, doesn’t fool me for one minute. I suppose that these could be independent burrowing structures by different tribes of Mole Men, but my theory is that our resident family has tunnelled from one side of the village to the other. Considering the length that the tunnel must be, it is not inconceivable that they are expanding their underground town, bringing their reinforcements in by the dark of night. Not that I am really that bothered, as even Mole Men need to live somewhere. Indeed I am sure if we were asked nicely I guess most of us would not object strongly. (Wouldn’t fancy their chances of getting permission from the Parish Council though). The likelihood is that they are under your house right now. Anyway, I hope I have not alarmed you with my revelation, as I am sure that they are quite friendly, although that may give a nasty nip if approached unexpectedly. (A bit like my wife really).

Footnote: Driving home tonight I spotted a sign saying that Sea Road is going to be closed for a few days from the 10th to 13th February. It seems the mole men are wasting no time in colonising the entire Milford on Sea subterrain. I wonder if we asked them nicely whether they would put in an underground railway? A station in Sea Road car park with a branch line to Hurst Castle could actually be very useful. Do you know anyone in the Milford on Sea Wildlife Group who speaks ‘mole’? Looks like we may need someone to negotiate on behalf of us surface dwellers.

On a related but separate note, I have to say that some readers of these news pages don’t always seem to take my stories seriously. After my story last week on the road mole works in Lymington Road, I then speculated that the holes are dug by Mole Men, who then disappear down the hole to live. My challenge to send in some photo’s showing any men actually working on the site was met with a response, but not quite as expected. Not being an expert on manual labour, I cannot be 100% sure, but I have to say, I do not think the photo’s sent in are genuine. On reflection, I am not sure it is a good idea to ask readers to send in pictures.