Some local villagers have identified a unique opportunity for emigration to their own paradise island. As you may know, a strange tidal activity has been occurring over the past few months which has resulted in a significant ‘shingle bank’ raising to the surface due south of Milford on Sea & north west of The Needles. To date the bank has stubbornly refused to retreat back under the waves, and added to this, the shingle bank was initially identified as ‘Dolphin Bank’, which has proved to be incorrect. This of course now means that this new ‘Island’ has no known sovereignty. Therefore, the local villagers of Milford on Sea have decided to stake a claim.
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As planning permission and design concepts for the planned Island developments may take some time to complete, it has been decided to take the opportunity to celebrate part of ‘Milford on Sea Food Week’ on ‘Westover Island’ in the meantime. The village is fortunate to have numerous fisherman & leisure sailors, so the plan is to commandeer their boats to ferry out dining tables & parasols in preparation for a ‘Gala Seafood Banquet’. The menu will of course be locally caught and cooked by the Westover Hall chefs. To ensure the whole event is taken seriously, the diners must at least have a ’25 Yard Swimming Proficiency Certificate’. The dress code for the evening will be swimming costume, trunks or unisex sarongs. Any gentlemen arriving wearing a ‘mankini’ will be turned away at the temporary jetty. An ‘Oyster Diving Competition’ is also being proposed for the Food Week activities, the competition will have ‘Under 60’, ‘60 to 80’, and ‘Over 80’ categories. It is anticipated that the final two categories will attract the greater number of local entries.
The new sovereignty of ‘Westover Island’ has decided to retain UK currency, but it has chosen to be a tax haven with no duty on alcohol. Demand for building plots is expected to be significant, so only residents of Milford on Sea who can run 100 yards in under 12 seconds are able to apply at this stage. No passport will be required initially, however it has been agreed to produce a postage stamp. The image to feature on the stamp is as yet undecided, but it has been agreed to put the glue on both sides just to confuse everyone.
Suggestions of the creation of a road bridge, or tunnel from the mainland were dismissed as ridiculous nonsense. A further idea to build a tunnel entrance in Cherbourg, signposted to Westover Island was accepted with numerous immature giggles, after the proposer explained that the tunnel would be built to accept traffic, but the tunnel would come to a halt halfway across the English Channel. The idea of setting up a stall selling 'Milford on Sea Souvenirs' at the tunnel's end is still under consideration.
Applications for the new post of ‘King of Westover Island’ are now being invited. Suitable candidates must have some previous experience of running a country or parish council. Please send your application to: ‘I want to be King’, Westover Hall, Park Lane, Milford on Sea, SO41 0PT. To ensure true equality is maintained, potential Queens may also apply. (My wife made me put that bit in!) Closing date for applications is 1st April 2011.