Stuck on Beach Pebble Mountain

If you have strolled along the beach recently you will have noticed that the beach keeps growing - upwards!

We decided to go and take a look, & were met by a stone cliff face with a fierce drop of around twelve foot down to the sea edge. I decided to try and get down, this wasn’t difficult, as once you were sliding there was no way to stop 20 stone of muscle! (well, mostly err... some muscle)

My wife for some reason was very amused, & whilst it is always a pleasure to see her smiling, it was a shame that her mirth was purely based on how I was going to get back up.

Milford on Sea Beach in calmer times!

No problem, I thought to myself as I took a run up. I progressed two strides up & was soon back where I started. On numerous attempts the shifting stones had no trouble to move faster than my size twelves & I soon became accustomed to sliding backwards. In fact over the time I think I perfected an Olympic standard rearwards slide. The dogs thought it was great fun to regularly visit me & then run back up to show how easy it is when you are fit & have four legs.

By now my wife’s cackling had reached a level where I really hoped she’d wet herself. Her help was restricted to useful comments like ‘Do you want me to find an elephant to pull you out?’ Dismissing the idea of calling the coastguard I resorted to one last plan, so on all fours & with the help of the sea groynes, I made my way back up in the most dignified manner I could. Waiting for my congratulations, & perhaps a small round of applause, I soon realised my wife had got bored & walked home.

For those that like some useful information in a story, I can tell you that the Milford on Sea beach is once again being replenished with approximately 10,000 tonnes of additional beach material. This coastal works is to provide continued protection to the beach frontage at Milford on Sea. The New Forest District Council has secured £310,000 from the Environment Agency to carry out the works, which started on 19 April and is expected to last for three weeks. The bid for funding was made following last year's storm damage, which resulted in substantial loss of beach material. It seems good news to me that a focus remains on maintaining the coastal defenses for us all – even if traps me by the sea.

On arriving home I muttered, ‘I wonder how many pebbles they have used on the beach?’. My wife said ‘I hope you don’t intend to count them’, & then enjoyed recalling how I had once spent two days counting the hairs on my legs. For some reason she felt this was of no real value, but then again she wouldn’t understand a man’s need to know such things. Us men enjoy doing some strange things, & I defy any bloke left alone in a room with a tea cosy not to put it on their head at some stage.