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Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Pointless School Governor Application

Having heard that Milford on Sea Primary School are looking for new School Governors I thought, ...just the job for me.

Initially I was unclear what a 'Governor' actually did, so after some research I discovered that it was; 'A device that is used to provide automatic control.' 

I was now struggling to work out ways to 'automatically control' the children, and how to convince Sue, the Chair of Governors, that I could fulfil this role effectively.

Soon I was chatting to myself about ideas like; a system of fences in the corridors where the gates automatically switch to corral to kids to classes quicker, school chairs with special magnets that keep kids in their seats during lessons, and to remove any lateness, a fleet of bendy buses to collect all children from their homes.

Just then, my wife came over, and simultaneously threw a head butt whilst sharply kicking me in shins, She then angelically shouted in my ear; "A Governor is a person who governs, - you idiot."  Through the pain I was grateful of her clarification, and had I not have been the recipient of the assault I would have been very impressed with her swift moves now that she is over 40. 

Undeterred, I started listing the top three key points in my Manifesto: 
  1. Free sweets for Governors on every day with a 'd' in it.  
  2. Space Hopper racing for Governors at Sports Day
  3. Future Governor Meetings to be held in two parts. Part One: Jam doughnuts on arrival, then maximum of 10 minutes discussion in meeting room. Part Two: In The Red Lion.
I was about to submit my application when my wife pointed out that the form clearly stated that all applicants had to be responsible adults and that I had insufficient adult genes to qualify. However, I could see no way that valid facts should get in the way of an excellent (albeit unsuitable) candidate, so we will see.

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