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Showing posts with label Ridiculous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ridiculous. Show all posts

Monday 3 April 2023

April Fool Tickles Village

Last week's April Fool article, 'Fury as unwanted Hurst Spit Observation Wheel approved' had a massive response, with over 7,000 visits to the MoS News website last week.

There were also numerous likes on Facebook, along with many happy comments from people the spoof story tickled.

If you would like to revisit some of our old 'April Fool's' please just click on the titles below:








If you have too much time on your hands... there are even more ridiculous articles to be found by clicking here.


Friday 31 March 2023

Fury as unwanted Hurst Spit Observation Wheel approved

After a drawn out four year consultation process, and despite vigorous local objections, the Hurst Spit Observation Wheel is due to start construction in early May.

The generally compliant residents of Milford on Sea are angry that this has been pushed through with their significant concerns being disregarded. Protests are planned, more of which we will explain later.

Planning approval for the locally unwanted observation wheel was given at a recent New Forest District Council meeting. This was in spite of numerous of local objections, which were primarily based on environmental issues, and the fact that the observation wheel will fundamentally change the character of Milford on Sea. However, the council considered that; 'The tourism and visitor experience opportunities were of greater benefit.'

As the developers public relation machine kicked into gear, it is being claimed that; "The Milford on Sea Observation Wheel will offer stunning, panoramic views of The Needles, Christchurch Bay, Milford on Sea beach and over the historic fortified walls into Hurst Castle."

At a height of 40m, it will be taller than the Bournemouth Big Wheel which stands at 30m high. For some obscure reason, the height was intentionally chosen to be taller than The Needles Lighthouse which stands at 33m.


The wheel designer, Ivor Spinner commented; "We are delighted to bring this magnificent observation wheel to Milford on Sea. It will stand as a monolith in the region and become a landmark to rival Nelson's column, the Angel of the North and the silly little observation wheel in Bournemouth." 

The gondolas will carry a maximum of 6 people, and children under 10 must be accompanied.

Although wheelchairs and mobility scooters cannot access the gondolas, there is an ingenious design feature which enables them to be strapped to the outside for what is described as; 'An exhilarating fresh air ride.'

The wheel's management company, Buildabigun Ltd, have said that local residents will be able to purchase discounted annual passes, and community organisations, groups and clubs will have free access at set times.

Getya Kitoff of Milford Naturists Club said; "Against local opinion, I am excited that we will be able to ride the wheel naked. I am just hoping it does not swing too much, as we do not want any unfortunate jiggling or collisions." Another club member, Hugh Jass added; "As much as I like stripping off, I won't be hanging out on that thing."

When approached, local tourism chief, Lika Goodayout commented; "A project like this always has its ups and downs, I am sure the protestors will come round in time."

All of these public relation spins are falling on deaf ears with the Milford on Sea Protest Group, who has aptly renamed the observation wheel; The Hurst Horribilis.

Amanda Lynn, from the Milford Musical Group said; "We have been invited to provide a band for the opening ceremony, but we have declined, as our prima recorder player has chapped lips, and our percussionist cannot use his drum pedal due to just having had a new hip fitted." 

Health and safety officer, Kay Oss has said that, when it is raining in Sweden, customers have to, by law, wear reflective jackets when riding an observation wheel. It is not yet clear how the local observation wheel customers will know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Local residents are now planning a sit-in protest and barricades on Hurst Spit on the day before the building contractors team are due to arrive. Special tracks are being laid to enable mobility scooters to get onto Hurst Spit, and old boats and walking sticks are being broken up to create a spectacular bonfire. 

Hugh Jass has said that he will protest by staying clothed until the building of the wheel is cancelled, or the weather gets too hot.

To draw further attention to the village's plight, their are plans to have 24 hour sessions of interpretive dance on Milford on Sea Village Green, everyone is welcome to join in. 

It is hoped that local xylophone player, Joe King will accompany the dance by playing continuous renditions from the three painfully tedious musical pieces he knows.
 ....................................

Editors Note:

If you have friends or family who love being taken for a ride, please feel free to share this news. On the other hand, if you consider this a travesty, 
please share this news with your friends in Milford on Sea and encourage them to protest, we must stand united!

If you have any comments you wish to make, please contact: 
ubin.hadd@gmailer.com

Sunday 1 January 2023

Naked New Year's Eve Rugby

Does anyone remember what happened on Milford on Sea Village Green on New Year's Eve 2013?

Nine year's ago we published the article below. As they say; 'Lads, will be lads' - Even in a place like Milford on Sea!

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Word has reached us that there was a rather strange way for a group of local revellers to celebrate the night of New Years Eve, when a game of naked rugby took place on Milford on Sea village green at around 3am into New Year's Day. 

It is understood that this is not a regular fixture, and it was difficult to know who was on which team due to the lack of any clothing. It is thought that around 8 players took part and they were all of an age that should know better!

It is unclear whether they started with any kits, or whether all of their clothes simply fell off simultaneously!

The wet and cold weather meant the match did not last the full game time, and that ample amounts of mud covered the modesty of some.

Thankfully, there were no obvious injuries, but no doubt there would have been suffering later in the day, not just from the exertion of the game, but also as a result of the extended night's celebrations.

Fortunately for us, there are no pictures that we know of. If anyone has any, whatever you do please don't send them in, just delete them from your camera!

Whilst there is a wide variety of clubs in Milford on Sea, we are unable to help anyone who may wish to get involved in any future games, as we do not believe there is a formal Naked Rugby Club to join in the village.

The full list of the night's players is unknown to us, but they know who they are!

PS: The New Milton Advertiser & Lymington Times heard about the story here, and yesterday it was published on the front cover of the 10th January edition of the newspaper for all to see. I bet there are some embarrassed lads around Milford on Sea right now!

click image to enlarge

click image to enlarge

Friday 1 April 2022

Dinosaur remains discovered at Hurst Spit

An extraordinary discovery was made by walkers on the far end of Hurst Spit two weeks ago…, the group of friends were out for a hike by the sea when they found some bone remnants jutting out from the shingle. Amazingly, these bones have now been identified as being from the skeleton of a 900 million year old dinosaur.

The tide at Hurst Castle is known for occasionally dredging up strange items. To this day WW2 armoury shells that had been fired into The Solent from what was a WW2 testing site near The Needles on the the Isle Wight occasionally appear on the beach. - But, there has never been a find like this before.

Palaeontologists from the British Museum are currently excavating the find site close to Hurst Castle. 

Since the discovery, crowds are regularly gathering to witness more of the remains being uncovered during the excavation, and an influx of fossil enthusiasts are getting very excited every time a new bone is revealed. 

A Milford on Sea local café owner said they were very pleased to see an increase in trade, particularly refills of Thermos flasks for the intrepid fossil hunters. One has even started selling takeaway burgers creatively renamed as ‘Brontosaurus Baps’.

Leading the archaeological project is eminent palaeontologist, Dr Ivor Dugit said; “I have excavated numerous dinosaur remains from the Jurassic period, and this one is in excellent condition. We can even tell it was a particularly attractive one from the remnants of the eyelashes”.

The species of dinosaur discovered has now been identified as a 'Jokasaurus’, a little know member of the ‘Fakapod’ family. When roaming the earth the dinosaur would have had a long tail and neck along with an unusual structure of four legs all of different sizes.

The Parish Council are now in discussion with the British Museum to establish what will happen to the remains once they are fully excavated. There are proposals to encase the shortest leg from the dinosaur in a Perspex case on the village green as a constant reminder of the village’s Jurassic history.

Long-term Milford on Sea resident, Diddy Fallforrit commented; “I’m not sure what all the fuss is about, my bones are over ninety years old and apart from my osteopath and the nurse that gets me up each morning, no one is really interested in them.“

Wednesday 31 March 2021

Controversial Floating Pier approved at Milford on Sea

A recent New Forest Council Meeting descended into chaos after a controversial floating pier was approved for Milford on Sea. Objections were raised at the meeting, but the NFDC Planning Committee overruled the objections and granted permission for construction of the pier this summer.

A key objection stated that the pier would ‘damage the unique character of Milford on Sea’. But it was counter-argued that the pier would ‘increase tourism to the village, provide a landing stage for boats and allow people an opportunity to get closer to sea-life’. 

The pier will be located opposite the Needles Eye Café with construction work due to commence on the 2nd June for completion within four weeks.  

The innovative pier design is multi-functional providing a walkway to a jetty on calm days, the jetty also provides seating and a landing stage for small boats who wish to visit Milford on Sea. On days when the sea has a swell it provides a fun ‘moving walkway’ for the more adventurous. The design is based on an existing floating pier at Maliah Beach Club which can be seen on the video link below.

Angry local resident, Arty Fischel was appalled and said; ‘Anything new in the village should be for everybody, and how do they expect people with walking frames to use this monstrosity?’.

Never slow to see an opportunity, local entrepreneur, Joe King has stated that he intends to make an application to provide scuba diving classes and banana boat rides from the jetty from early summer.

The designer of the Floating Pier, Mr Ubin Hadd commented; ‘Just imagine…, the sun shining, the warm sea breeze in your hair, and the waves lapping over your feet. You’re going to love it!”

Local residents are expected to lodge an appeal in the coming days. If you have a view that you would like to express, please contact: April Day, NFDC Planning Officer, Lyndhurst, Hampshire on aprilday@nfdcplanning.jo.ke

To see a video of the Floating Pier design in action; please click here

*Editor’s Note: If you plan to object, please share this story with your friends in Milford on Sea. We must stand united!


Saturday 6 June 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.32

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Fishy changes at Monks click here to read.

A lunchtime surprise at Zaika click here to read.

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Thursday 4 June 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.31

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Danestream or Danes Stream, who knows? click here to read.

Danes ‘Stream' or 'River’? click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Wednesday 3 June 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.30

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

French for a day click here to read.

A Lymington taste of France click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Saturday 30 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.29

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

A Milford Bloke Trapped in Guildford click here to read.

Clowning at the Carnival - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Wednesday 27 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.28

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Mole Men Claim more territory - click here to read.

Mole Men invade Village Green - click here to read.

Mole Men head for Whitby Road - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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To read all previous publications of 'Funnies from the Past'
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  • Then, read the biggest nonsense published on here!
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Tuesday 26 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.27

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Another Live Bomb on Hurst Spit click here to read.

It's snowing again! click here to read.

More coming next time.

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To read all previous publications of 'Funnies from the Past'
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Monday 25 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.26


Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Sea Plane visits Westover Island click here to read.

Construction starts on Westover Island click here to read.

Local’s stake a claim to ‘Westover Island’- click here to read.

More coming next time.

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To read all previous publications of 'Funnies from the Past'
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  • Then, enter 'Funnies' into the search box
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  • Then, read the biggest nonsense published on here!
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Saturday 23 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.25

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Milford: A Dangerous Place to Live! - click here to read.

Don't park on wall - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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To read all previous publications of 'Funnies from the Past'
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  • Then, enter 'Funnies' into the search box
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  • Then, read the biggest nonsense published on here!
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Wednesday 20 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.24

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

The Milford Beach Sign mystery - click here to read.

Have you seen any nude sunbathers recently? - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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To read all previous publications of 'Funnies from the Past'
  • Go to the search box above on this website
  • Then, enter 'Funnies' into the search box
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  • Then, read the biggest nonsense published on here!
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Saturday 16 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.23

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

The joy of Christmas presents click here to read.

Doctors advice - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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To read all previous publications of 'Funnies from the Past'
  • Go to the search box above on this website
  • Then, enter 'Funnies' into the search box
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  • Then, read the biggest nonsense published on here!
click image to enlarge

Wednesday 13 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.22

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Milford in Island Bridge approved click here to read.

New Railway at Milford - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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To read all previous publications of 'Funnies from the Past'
  • Go to the search box above on this website
  • Then, enter 'Funnies' into the search box
  • Then, hit 'Search' as below
  • Then, read the biggest nonsense published on here!
click image to enlarge

Sunday 10 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.21

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Mole Men send report click here to read.

Mole Men scare in village - click here to read.

The Food Week Rap - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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To read all previous publications of 'Funnies from the Past'
  • Go to the search box above on this website
  • Then, enter 'Funnies' into the search box
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  • Then, read the biggest nonsense published on here!
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Thursday 7 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.20

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Alf cops it! click here to read.

Websites drive me mad! - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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Wednesday 6 May 2020

Funnies from the Past: No.19

Whilst we are all stuck indoors, I thought I would republish some old stories, that with a bit of luck will give you a smile.

Here we go again...

Milford on Sea: Hyphens or no hyphens? click here to read.

Reconnaissance Inside The Cave - click here to read.

More coming next time.

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  • Go to the search box above on this website
  • Then, enter 'Funnies' into the search box
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  • Then, read the biggest nonsense published on here!
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