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Monday, 3 October 2011

Deauville Diary – Day One

The Gallic misadventures of a Milford village idiot abroad.

Well we arrived this afternoon, weather is over 30 degrees - in October! I just love global warming! One hundred and eighty miles from channel tunnel, great motorways, but…. I had forgotten, you are in the air most of the time! Giant viaduct, after giant viaduct…. never a problem in the past, but vertigo has now appeared from somewhere to make my life a little more complicated. Just before Deauville we had to cross ‘Le Pont de Normandie’, the world's longest cable-stayed bridge when built in 1995, as we turned the corner an enormous steel edifice arose from the riverbed, not content with being high, some comedian had decided to also make it curved! As the cold sweat appeared, I hung on and drove on, up and up and round! My relief at landing on the other side was short lived, as my wife said with a giggle, “You do know that was only the ‘Pont sur le Grand Canal du Havre’ don’t you.” “Oh joy” was the only reply I could muster whilst I tried to breathe properly again. My wife’s extreme sympathy continued as we approached the next monster. She just gawped and exploded “Ahh, look at the height of that!” If she ever considered a career in nursing, someone would have to tell her it might not be the best vocation for her. Trying as ever to block her out, we arrived on the bridge, I grabbed the steering wheel with white knuckles, stared at the road and struggled to make sure I didn’t wet myself. Still not quite understanding what vertigo is, she helpfully cried; “Those boats look so tiny.” The ‘not wetting yourself’ plan was not going so well.

When we arrived in Deauville the first thing we did was buy baguette, cheese & vin rouge for tonight’s tea. Then, an almost romantic walk on the sun-kissed sandy beach. It was packed with the young, tanned and fit, and I was pleased that I had packed my thong and remembered to have a full body wax in the village before setting off.

A delightful evening was all going well as I engrossed myself in Boris Johnson’s book, and it is so hot we had all windows & doors open giving a cool breeze, - life doesn't get any better than this.

Spoke to soon, a daddy long legs has just come through the window, my wife is now screaming like a banshee, as if a tyrannosaurus has smashed through the wall looking to eat the noisiest person in the room - and now I have to remove the innocent insect or suffer a perforated ear drum. Must go now, major crisis to deal with, and sure gendarmerie are probably on the way.


  1. cant wait for the next episode of life en France!

  2. Rick (that German!!)8 October 2011 at 12:17

    A comment about that Comment.....
    Not CJ from the world-famous-in-England BBC Eggheads team?
    Wow, you do have impressive readers on your blog David! Not just Rick the German, and Sheila the Frenchie, but CJ as well?

    And most importantly, will you be able to make it over those little bridges on your return journey, or will you take the "scenic route" {:-) back home via Paris, Montlucon, Avignon, (ooops theres a pont in Avignon isn't there.
    Which reminds me of a joke....Why didn't the 3 cats get across the river on their little boat?
    Because Une Deux, Trois Cats sank! Thanks to my old French teacher at school for that gem!

    See you for Food Week Monsieur!