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Wednesday 13 January 2010

Pointless Cycle Paths for Milford on Sea

We have discovered through Colin, our intrepid local newshound, that plans are currently being considered by New Forest District Council for Cycle Routes through Milford on Sea, I guess these are designed as a covert plan to get us all fit. (Although their chances of achieving this with Colin & I are pretty remote.)

The proposed cycle routes appear to crisscross happily right across the village. I have only had the pleasure of seeing the proposed map online without any written explanation text. That however is not an issue on two fronts.

Firstly, if there is such a document, it is unlikely that I would be bothered to try to decipher the ‘council speak’ in what is likely to be a be a weighty tomb of nonsense.

Secondly, it is much more fun to make wild assumptions. On viewing the map it soon became clear to me that the ‘Cycle Routes’ were actually currently being used for another purpose, - existing roads. Hmmm, so does this mean the roads are to become cycle routes, & in turn new roads will be built later for the cars that no longer have anywhere else to drive on? Perhaps not. Not being a cyclist myself I am unclear of their strange customs, but I always thought they could ride on these roads already? Possibly I am missing something.

I know, the Cycle Route will have ‘cycle lanes’ added to indicate to cyclists that they can cycle on roads that they could always cycle on before. Brilliant idea! Thinking through the practicalities, I could not work out how the cycle lanes would be accommodated, then it came to me, it is simply a case of deciding which side of the roads will have all of their houses demolished to add in the cycle lanes. I suppose by removing houses it will also provide an opportunity to drop in a dual carriageway, bus lane & perhaps if there is enough room a lane exclusively for rickshaws. The map also shows a ‘possible short contra-cycle lane’ for the High Street. ‘Contra cycle lane’ – what does that mean? No, I have no idea either. Researching the dictionary I ended up with three definitions for ‘contra’. Firstly, ‘A member of the guerrilla force that opposed a left-wing government in Nicaragua’. Perhaps the lane will just be for them, but quite honestly it has been a while since I saw a guerrilla in the village. The next definition was; ‘A deal that allows for the exchange of services, goods or publicity without money changing hands’. Ah, perhaps you have to offer something to the council on entry, if they like the swap deal you can go through, if not you just have to use a normal road I’m afraid. The final definition is; ‘In contrast or opposition to; or against’, that’s the one I reckon. The cycle lane will go in the opposite direction to the current one way traffic. To some this may seem daft, but thinking about it, the shopkeepers will love watching our friends on two wheels dodging oncoming cars in panic, plus of course it will draw extra people to the village to watch the ‘cycle run of death!’.

My wife was taking a lot of interest in my one way discussions on this subject, whilst at the same time pretending to be reading a book. Suddenly, she suggested that I should buy a bike. She went on to say how I could then cycle twenty five miles a day for ten days. Not understanding her reasoning I asked whether this was a plan to help lose the five stone I had put on over Christmas? No, she said, it simply means you will then end up two hundred & fifty miles away from here. I don’t think she is taking the situation seriously.

It may be pretty obvious that I live in my own little world (without a bike or any cycle lanes), but someone was telling me the other day about something called the ‘credit crunch’. As a result it appears the government need to save quite a lot of money. Well, I have one idea, how about shutting the ‘NFDC Pointless Cycle Route Department’. Alternatively, the council team could be redeployed to something of a bit more value, like building a Milford on Sea underground railway, or they could even resurface the High Street again if they are really stuck for ideas. Apparently these are ‘Preliminary plans for consultation only’, and I bet they will have great fun chatting to any people they can find who understands their plan. If you can be bothered you can view the ‘Proposed Cycle Route Map’ on the following link:
http://www.newforest.gov.uk/media/adobe/g/2/Milford_on_Sea_Cycle_Map.pdf

1 comment:

  1. David
    The contra lane already exists. I have already experienced a number of careless and on one occasion abusive cyclists using the "no entry" from Lymington Road junction into the High Street. Twice these have been groups of two or three spread across the road leaving no room for a vehicle going the correct way. What we need is prosecutions not cycle lanes.

    I am very much in favour of a network of cycle lanes across Britain provided they are sensibly planned.

    Terry Langford

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